Along Came Daddyhood

(Originally Published 12/17/08)

“Repetition is the reality and the seriousness of life.” - Soren Kierkegaard

Let me get this out of the way: I hate when people use quotations from long-dead philosophers to create the impression that they themselves are so attuned to a philosophical idea that its essence flows from their fingers. I used the quote because he makes the words go together purdy.

Within the first few weeks of parenthood, there is a tendency to find myself mired in the minutiae of being a parent. That is: holding, feeding, burping, changing, and rocking (not in a musical sense but as a sleep facilitator). If that comes off as grumpy, I don't mean it to be. It's just that the dynamics of parenthood are somewhat limited at this juncture.

A lot of people talk about the journey of life and the various landmarks we pass along the way. Our natural tendency is to focus on the life-changing events and gloss over the smaller and seemingly insignificant details that populate a majority of our days because, let's face it, in the museum of our mind who wants to remember that time they found a band-aid in their food at the Chinese Buffet?

But what I am coming to realize more and more is how the method of our journey is just as important as the landmarks we pass along the way.

As I interact with Rowe each night, my mind easily drifts to the first time he will say, "Dad," or the first time we will play catch, or the first time he will hug my leg when I come home from work. But in doing that, I allow myself to begin wishing Rowe's childhood away in favor of the eagerly anticipated landmark event.

But the essence of life isn't those handful of big events. It's the every day interactions. It's the stare-downs, spit-ups, and sleepy eyes that, though inconsequential, make up the fundamental processes of life as we know it. I don't want to be like the stuntman who slides down the steep incline of a high-rise building grasping wildly to grip anything that could halt his plummet. I'd rather take a nice leisurely stroll throgh Rowe's childhood.

There's nothing pretty about the repetitive processes that make up large sections of our life, but these processes are the reality and substance of our lives. To allow them to pass by unappreciated is something I hope I can always be able to avoid.