Along Came Daddyhood

(Originally Published 12/8/08)

Der is a patturn of prejudiss goin on right now in my hous and franklee, de old Jax is sick of it. Jus because my brudder’s pasifierz keep disappearin does not meen dat I am de one steeling dem.

Tru, in the past I may be guiltee of chewing up de underware of my parents, but who among us has not chewed up our parents underwear? For dat I’m most posetive dat we are all guiltee.

Der was dis one insident last chrismus where I may have eaten all de gingerbread people as dey stood in front of dere gingerbread home. But my sister, Emma, dared me to eat dem and I couldn’t look at myself in de toilets reflecshun if I didn’t answer her dare. De old Jax has gotta defen his manhood, you know?

So for dose of you who think that it is ok to pin de tail of blame on de old Jax, shame on you. Dere is an old saying from my homeland of Acapulco: No todos los que chiflan son arrieros. For dose of you who cannot speak my nativ tongue dat meens, don’t juge a book by its cover.

Beesides, what would Ajax do wit dese pasifierz? Its not like I could sell dem to de packratz who leev across de street for milkbonez because dat is jus crazy talk and you shuldn’t believe everything dat Rodger de beagle tellz you becaws one time I watched him eat his own poop and can you reelly trust someone who eats his own poop? De anser is no becaws if histry has tauht us anything it is dat poop eaters shoud never be trusted, you know?

Regardless, check yoself before you come at de Jax wit dose crazy allegashuns becawz it wood be unfortunate if all your underware got eaten or sumthing cimilarly trajic. Considder yoselves warned.

Sincerely,

Ajax Leonard McCoy, Esquire