Nosing Around

11:18 PM Posted by Knox McCoy

So I went to the nose doctor today. But not just any doctor. This guy was a doctor who says hello by dousing your nose with numbing spray so he can jam a camera up your nose and telephoto your entire sinus situation. THAT KIND OF DOCTOR.

If you are a male and are reading this and still find yourself unclear on this scenario, it's like a yearly physical but instead of clammy hands on your secrets and coughing twice, it's a camera (that probably costs more than Ryan Seacrest) scraping alongside your brain, while you try not to sneeze or gag.

At any rate, it was this procedure that provided our meet cute. But there was nothing nice or lighthearted about it. Basically, I have some nasal shenanigans that will most assuredly translate to massive financial repercussions. Joy.

But such is life. Just as you gain a little money traction, something breaks, something needs buying or you find out that you have a nose with the structural integrity of Owen Wilson's schnoz.

But here's where the frustration comes in: why do doctors act like everyone has graduated from Harvard Medical School? Just because you pin up an Xray of my face to a bright light board doesn't mean that I can make like Dr. Derek Shepard and deduce my diagnosis. Make no mistake: my degree in English is SUPER useful. I can usually spot typos and I can totally tell you some freaky stuff about Oscar Wilde, so....there's that. But the point is, I'M NOT HOUSE M.D.. TRY TO EXPLAIN THE PROBLEM USING SMALL WORDS.

When he snapped a couple of pictures with his brain-scraper camera and let me see those, I still was at a loss. YES, DOC, I SEE THAT MY INNER NOSE LOOKS LIKE A BLOODIED SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS. NOW CAN YOU TELL ME WHY?

But no. I'm left with vague descriptions filled with medicalese and a REALLY big payment.

At the end of the day though, if he figures out the problem, I won't care what kind of bedside manner he has. He could spray my eyes with the numbing stuff and make me watch a So You Think You Can Dance marathon. I'm just principled like that.

And just so you know, I was this close to putting the pictures of my nose as bloody SpongeBob at the top of this post. I suppose I'm mellowing in my old age, though. Your appetites can feel free to carry on unmolested....for now.


Crib-bound and down...

10:21 PM Posted by Knox McCoy

Sometimes, no matter how clever you think you are, your child has a way of putting you in your place...

Daddy - The funniest videos are a click away


The Real Meaning Behind LOST...

8:14 PM Posted by Knox McCoy

It totally makes sense now...


The BluePrint #2: Wishing and Hoping

11:52 PM Posted by Knox McCoy

I have an awful tendency to compartmentalize my life. Not exactly a grass is always greener thing, but sort of a "life will be good when (x) happens" kind of thing. I do not like this about myself.

This flawed idea hinges on the idea that my life is leading up to this moment where my dreams will converge with reality. Only then will I be uniformly happy. Magically, I will be doing what I love to do. Donuts will be as nutritional as Raisin Bran and siestas will gain traction as socially acceptable workplace policies.These are my hopeful aspirations.

There are a few things wrong with this line of thinking: First, I would imagine that eating donuts every day would get old fast. That may seem sacreligious in terms of donut devotion, but I think the wonderment and glory of a donut is in it's rarity. There's a novelty in having a donut in a similar way that Christmas or Memorial Day is awesome. If we had Christmas once a week, dealing with all the wreaths and tree lights would just get obnoxious, AM I RIGHT?

But more to the larger point, my hopes beg the questioning of this murky point of tangibly living the dream. As much as I would love to be able to cross some finish line and just coast through life to never again be burdened with stress or trials, it simply doesn't work like that. I want it to, but it doesn't.

But there's something refreshing in that. Life isn't broken into compartments of enjoyment and endurance. It's one long string of experiences. Some are good, some are bad, and some involve raisin bran. All of the separate elements exist to comprise the same singular thing.

So for the Boy's blueprint, I want him embracing every part of life. I don't want him holding out until all the conditions are perfect, because life is short enough as is.

Below is my favorite quote from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I can't read it and not think of my son because it encapsulates everything I want him to know.

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."