Along Came Daddyhood

(Originally Published 12/31/08)

I mean I’m happy for Marley and ereting but de dood was a major sellout right? At sum point es like dood you gotta respeckt yourself you know? Ajax wood nevur sell his life storee to be poortrayed by sum B-list actors. Jennifer Anneston? Reely? Wuz Angielina bizzy? Oh das right…bizzy steeling Brad Pitt. Ohhh Burn by Ajax.

But seriously dough, wear es all de canine talent in hollywood? I would be afraad dat de creepy dood from Hollywood Cheewawa would end up playing de old Jax. Rin Tin Tin is not walking through dat door and dat kina depresses me you know?

Neways, like I wuz saying, dis keed is making me crazee. At furst I thought dat it would be like a new bone smell or sumthing you know? After a cuple of weeks he wood be outside wit emma for good. But mom and dad are steel preddy obsessed wit him. Let me give you an ezample.

For chrismuss last yeer, I got a stocken wit biscuts, cookees, and chu strips and my present wuz a new Dudley de Duck. Dis yeer? Dad tossed me a pig ear and sed, “Mary Chrismus, bud.” I wuz all, if dat is all den you are no freend of mine, but i’m preddy sure he wasnt leestening.

I know, rediculus right? Ajax’s furst rule of freenship is dat Ajax is not yur bud untell you show him de gifs. I asked for a new bed, a drumset, and de furst seeson of Ceezur Milan: Dog Whesperer and dey think dat a pig ear chew is gunna fly? Is dere a Ceezur Milan for hoomans becaws i’m preddy close to callin dem.

Dat wood be hilareeus. Ceezur would be yeeling and poking dem in dere bellees so dat dey would feed me mor and take me fur walks mor. Dat shuld so be on TV, you know?

Danks for leestening Elmo. Yur a preddy cool dood. Yur eyes are kina beeg and creepy, but yur a good leestener. We shoud do dis again sumtime.