The Anne Hathaway Dilemma

8:28 PM Posted by Knox McCoy



So the Wife, the Boy and myself were dining at Sticky Fingers recently. For those of you without children, nothing about that really jumps out at you. For those of you with children though, you realize the precarious nature of a public dining experience.

It's a finely choreographed ballet of sequences that need to occur on time or else things get ugly. Like BIBLICALLY ugly. And that's even for the most well-behaved of children. Public environments are vitriolic cauldrons. EVERYTHING is exacerbated by being in public. Parents are more tense and kids' senses are overwhelmed. A simple conversation can turn into verbal bloodbath because of the mixture of nerves, hunger, and misperceived tones.

This particular evening, we entered the establishment and put our name on the wait list. The surly hostess told us 20-30 minutes. CUE PANIC.

We cautiously sat down and game-planned around the possible apocalypse as the Boy spasmodically tried to wrestle free from us so he could roam free among the hungry patrons. We could stay, but if Rowe had a Chernobylic meltdown, we would be forced to ride it out. Kind of like the last two seasons of Grey's Anatomy.

Luckily, our buzzer buzzed and the hostess summoned us to a table. Crisis averted. BRING ON THE SMOKED MEATS AND DELICIOUS BBQ SAUCES.

Our waitress was very pleasant and sympathetic to our parenting plight. She hustled out food for us and made sure the Boy's was out early so that we could head off any eruptions.

At the conclusion of our meal, the Wife mentioned that she was very pleased with the waitress. She said something about the waitress being cute and that she reminded her of Anne Hathaway and she planned on telling the waitress so. I cautioned against that and a debate ensued.

The Wife felt that this comparison was a compliment. And boiled down to it's most basic level, it was. The motivation behind the comparison was pure and it did have merit. HOWEVER, the possibility  that perhaps this nice waitress did not hold Anne Hathaway's physical appearance in high esteem existed and was reason enough for pause.

If this was indeed the case, the Wife's intended "compliment" would have instead been a gigantic slap in the face and cause for self-loathing.

This was my reasoning: if you are trying to be complimentary, you CANNOT compare someone's looks to another person UNLESS it is universally accepted that the comparison person is attractive.

If you wish to compare me to Brad Pitt or George Clooney, I would welcome this comparison ALL DAY. However, if I vaguely resemble this guy to you?


 KEEP IT TO YOUR SELF. DOES NOT WANT.


Take it from me. Recently, a friend of ours told me I looked like this guy...



Awesome. So I resemble a husky Major League baseball player with questionable style in corrective eye-wear? THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF SELF-HATRED.

In our friend's warped mind, she was paying me a compliment. And I appreciate the notion behind her comparison. But she failed to consider that Brian McCann may not be well-thought of in my mind. And this is the essential premise behind the Anne Hathaway dilemma.

ANOTHER EXAMPLE...

My sister-in-law has been told that she resembles this person...

 

For those of you who can't stop staring at the poor hot dog, that's Kelly Clarkson, or as I like to call her, SOMEONE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE COMPARED TO IF YOU ARE A FEMALE.

If you know my sister-in-law, it is FAIRLY OBVIOUS that she does not in ANY WAY resemble Kelly Clarkson. Most assuredly, whoever said this to my sister-in-law was not trying to disparage her. BUT, she did make the mistake of treading on the slippery slope that is celebrity comparison.

What say you? Am I guilty of over-analysis or is the Anne Hathaway Dilemma real issue? Have you been on the wrong side of this dilemma. Please discuss.